My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
