Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
