People in love make me want to vomit
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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