If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
