Cold hands, warm shart.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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