so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
