Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
