no, he came in my armpit
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
