She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
