I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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