Pappa wants mamma naked
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
