Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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