oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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