Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
