Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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