Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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