I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
