you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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