I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize