is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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