he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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