I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
