Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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