clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Randomize
