my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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