so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize