I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
