I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
