so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
