We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
