Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize