dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
