so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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