I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
