Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
