She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
