I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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