the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize