You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
