so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
