Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
