Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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