u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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