Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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