If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
is it fun? or sober?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
