i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I checked into jail on foursquare
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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