we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize