If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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