im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
