I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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