worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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