Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Never underestimate the power of titties
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
