I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
