Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
