Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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