Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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