oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
