Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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