My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
