My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
