the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
