My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
