Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
