Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize