yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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