his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
