There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
