I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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