Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
