my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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