I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize