i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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