Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
