so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
