Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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