dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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