I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
