I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
