Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
