I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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