Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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