I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
