You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
