Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
