hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
