I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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