i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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