well you can't waste a boner
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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